about the first time you remember being thrilled.
memory of being thrilled would have to have been when I was
five. My family had just moved to Washington State and I had
the biggest room in our new house. It had windows that covered
an entire wall with lace curtains. I had a canopy bed and I
felt like the little girl in The Secret Garden like a princess.
I was excited and thrilled everyday when I was in that room.
|What’s the slightest thing
to have thrilled you?
|I get the
smallest thrill out of being spontaneous or doing something
that I usually wouldn’t. For instance, I approached someone
at a club and asked them to dance. I would usually never do
|What’s the most frightening
yet thrilling thing you’ve done?
be sexually. While having sex, choking and breath-play gives
me the biggest thrill although it terrifies me. Also, being
held under water.
why you’re not completely sensible.
too often with my emotions, my heart. I see something I like
and I just kind of rush at it without thinking. I am the kind
of person who doesn’t always think before I act, especially
with my words.
the most uninhibited thing you’ve ever done?
inhibited thing I have ever done was going out on Halloween
night, scantily clad in hardly anything. I went to club after
club and danced suggestively with women while men around me
watched. I have never felt more alive or more inhibited in my
you considered doing for pleasure but were too concerned about
my partner do body piercings on me. The thought of my partner
putting a needle through my skin, permanently (for the most
part) marking me is a big turn on, but I know it would be terribly
the event in one sentence (there’s time to expand later)
to a Rack with clothes pins attached to my body while I was
a bit about yourself around this time.
three months ago. We had been in a relationship, living together,
for six months and I felt safe with him. He pushed my edges
both sexually and non-sexually. I was ready and willing to experiment
and feel as much as I could. I am a masochist.
sequence of events leading up to your thrill. Try to remember
how you felt at each stage. The smallest detail could be important
(this is your chance to expand).
my clothes, as he instructed. I leaned against the Rack and
he began putting chains around my ankles, wrists and elbows.
Then, he locked me on and I literally could not move, at all.
He then inserted a ball-gag and put on a blind-fold. I was
drooling everywhere because of the ball-gag and it was humiliating.
He then took out clothespins and applied them around my breasts,
on my nipples, my inner and outer labia and my hood/clitoris.
I whined, cried and struggled with each application. The pain
was felt strongly, but it was a good pain. I could feel a
release, like orgasm, but less physical. He whispered to me
that he was going to remove the pins (about ten minutes had
elapsed by this time).
With each one that was removed the pain was ten times worse.
He started at the breasts, which had grown numb, but as he
removed them, the blood rushed back in and I cried out slightly.
He played with the pins that were on my genitalia for a while
and I knew those were going to hurt badly. He removed the
labial ones first. I screamed out. He removed the ball gag,
blindfold and restraints.
I had to stand, shaky-legged and whimpered and watched as
he reached down to remove the one on my hood/clit. When it
was removed, a sensation of burning and tenderness rushed
through me. I fell forward into his arms, crying and screaming.
The pain was more intense than any I had ever felt. He then
bent me over the bed, without giving me a breather and flogged
me until I fell into what can only be described as a sub-space
feeling. He held me and I fell asleep.
your thoughts and feelings at the precise moment of thrill?
there were very few. Sometimes I had songs in my head or poems
I would recite so it would be easier to take the pain. Other
times, I would have a blank mind, focusing and riding the pain.
you do afterwards?
out, bruising, very minimal risks.
you imagine other people thought of you during and after the
would be horrified and wouldn’t understand it at all.
That is okay, I did it for me because it is who I am. I don’t
explain my actions to people in order to justify, I explain
only to educate. My partner, however, was incredibly proud of
me and was amazed.
do you think about the event, and why?
least once a week. It was intense and it formed who I have become
since then. It made me feel strong and free. I could release
everything, good and bad, in just those few hours.
probably don’t understand how such a thing can thrill
you; explain it to them.
know how you want something really badly, like a new car or
something as simple as some cool shoes? Well, imagine that
those simple desires were unacceptable. Imagine that if you
told anyone you wanted those shoes, they would grimace, judge
and make judgments about you that you knew were not true.
Now, imagine u found a store that carried these the shoes
and you went in. Around you were people just like you who
also wanted those shoes. You could look at them all you wanted,
talk about them and wear them around the store. Then, remember
that you have to go back out where people don’t understand,
where they will ridicule you. That is how I feel. In my home,
in my mind, I am safe to express myself through pain, bondage,
and servitude. In the outside, there are few places I can
do that. Imagine you had something like that you had to hide.
changes could have made the experience better, and why?
with sexual intercourse and if I had recorded it. I would’ve
liked to have more time to feel that way. I would have liked
to experience orgasm afterwards and I would have liked something
tangible, a video, so that I could view it.
anything you want to add?
I did not offend you or give too much sexual information. I
assumed you meant ANY thrill. I look forward to updates on your