chromo11 HOME
thrillingl STUFF
ABOUT chromo11
CONTACT chromo11
  <your background>
1.Q Tell me about the first time you remember being thrilled.
1.A When I was five or six I liked to lift my dress and flash my frilly underpants at the boys. It was completely innocent, not sexual -- all I knew was that it made the boys excited and it upset my mother, so that was thrilling enough for me. But I soon grew out of it.
2.Q What’s the slightest thing to have thrilled you?
2.A I don't know, chocolate? A picture of Jude Law?
3.Q What’s the most frightening yet thrilling thing you’ve done?
3.A After dark one night when I was 17 I took off all my clothes except my shoes and then ran around my high school track. It was so scary because I was pretty sure no one was around, but if there had been someone I would have been caught and completely embarrassed. But fortunately I didn't see anyone and when I reached my starting point again I was both thrilled and relieved to put my clothes back on.
4.Q Tell me why you’re not completely sensible.
4.A I'm too impulsive. I make decisions too quickly, thinking it's better to decide than to dither, but there are lots of good reasons why it makes more sense to think something through before doing it.
5.Q What’s the most uninhibited thing you’ve ever done?
5.A Probably running naked around a track as a teen. As an adult, the most uninhibited thing I've done is to get up on stage and sing a raunchy song at a charity fund raiser. I am rather inhibited so there are not too many things that fall into this category.
6.Q What have you considered doing for pleasure but were too concerned about the risks?
6.A Drugs, I guess. I would never take them in reality because I am too worried about addiction and other bad effects, but I have at least wondered what it would be like.


  <your thrill>
7.Q Describe the event in one sentence (there’s time to expand later)
7.A I eavesdropped on a girlfriend getting spanked when we were 12.
8.Q Tell me a bit about yourself around this time.
8.A I was in the sixth grade and really only had this one friend. We spent a lot of time together and were very close. I was entering my rebellious teen years. I was not aware of any fascination or sexual attraction with spanking (that came later, in college).
9.Q List the sequence of events leading up to your thrill. Try to remember how you felt at each stage. The smallest detail could be important (this is your chance to expand).

I was hanging out in my girlfriend's house one afternoon after school. Her mother came home and immediately got very angry -- I guess my friend was supposed to have cleaned the house and hadn't done it and her mother was tired of reminding her. Corporal punishment was a fact of life in our community so there was nothing especially exciting when my friend's mother told me I had to leave, and the look on my friend's face told me that she was in very big trouble. I felt no thrill, only pity for her and also a bit of disappointment that our fun was over.

As I moved toward the door I saw my friend's mother grab her by the elbow and guide her upstairs to her bedroom. I stood on the threshold for a moment and then got a little twinge of curiosity and also rebelliousness. I quietly stepped back inside and then loudly closed the front door so they would think I had gone. To be honest this was the most exciting moment, my heart was racing, wondering if they would see me coming back in. But my friend and her mother were already upstairs and they were too busy arguing. Well, it was less of an argument than a lecture by her mother and some annoyed protests by my friend.

Then my friend's mother said she needed to be punished. I slowly crept halfway up the stairs -- I didn't dare go any further because I was afraid if I went all the way up I'd be visible. And I listened as she spanked my friend. It was so loud, and my thighs were shaking because I felt like I was standing right next to them, as if at any moment her mother could detect my presence. In reality they were probably 20 feet away in my friend's bedroom and were both very occupied.

10.Q What were your thoughts and feelings at the precise moment of thrill?
10.A It was a mixture of sadness for my friend, anger at her mother, excitement for doing something I knew was forbidden, and disgust with myself for seeming to be excited by my friend's suffering. In reality I know I wasn't excited by it, but at the moment I was second guessing myself -- had I stayed behind because I secretly WANTED my friend to experience pain and shame?
11.Q What did you do afterwards?
11.A The spanking seemed to end in a heartbeat, though it probably lasted around a minute. When the smacks stopped I backed down the stairs as carefully and quickly as I could, terrified by the thought of making a stair squeak or knocking down a picture frame. As I was leaving my friend's house her mother was still yelling at her, and she was crying loudly. I remember feeling very sad and sorry for her.
12.Q What were the risks?
12.A First and foremost: shame. If her mother had caught me I would have felt like such a creep. The second risk was that my friend would not have been particularly understanding (I like to think she would have, but I'll never know because I never told her). It could have ruptured my closest friendship. Thirdly -- least of all in my mind -- my friend's mother would have called my mother and I would have faced the music at home.
13.Q What did you imagine other people thought of you during and after the event?
13.A Since they didn't know I was there, my friend probably didn't change her feelings about me, and her mother probably just thought I was a bad influence since she was hanging out with me instead of doing her chores.
14.Q How often do you think about the event, and why?
14.A It's complicated. During my teen years I didn't think about it much; I kept it a secret from my friend and then we drifted apart anyway. But in college I became aware of my shameful desire to be spanked by my boyfriend, and then I started having deeper, more Victorian sexual fantasies. I would sometimes replay my friend's spanking to feed into those fantasies, but I always felt conflicted. Nowadays I hardly ever think about it, though when asked the question "What is your most thrilling moment," this event and running track in the nude come to mind quickly.
15.Q Some people probably don’t understand how such a thing can thrill you; explain it to them.
15.A I can see why someone wouldn't understand the thrill of listening to someone get spanked; it's a cruel way to treat a child, so I won't try to explain that. But imagine that there is some other thing that you are forbidden to witness, and yet you see or hear it anyway. I think one of the main things that made it a thrill was the fear of getting caught.
16.Q What three changes could have made the experience better, and why?

Oh, that's hard. My friend was made to suffer and cry, and I witnessed it. I am still a little ashamed of it what I did -- I haven't discussed this with anyone but my husband. So I am not comfortable saying I want the experience to have been better.

  Is there anything you want to add?
[back to the top] [back to the collection]





what do you find thrilling?